» A Better Place
In my youth I was a child of God. I marveled at his splendor. He was bigger than I could even imagine; unfathomable and untameable. But I enjoyed him most when I could catch just a glimpse of how he ticked. All I wanted was to understand God and live in him fully to help make the world a better place.
Yup, I was a born-again, body-baptized, Bible-believin’, Spirit-filled, heaven-bound son of preacher man! I went on missions trips to China and England and Indonesia and the faraway land of Canada. I attended Christian youth groups, led Bible studies, prayed daily, and worshiped earnestly.
In fact, I was such a good, genuine Christian that I started to worry about the sin of pride.
In a worship service one day I felt God nudging me to humble myself. I knew I had to put my body into a position of humility before God, because that would help get my mind in the right place, too. But I was pretty shy at the time, so I looked at all the people nearby me and asked God, “Now?”
“Yes,” he answered.
But I was frozen. I kept hoping the worship band would play their last song, for then I would have missed my opportunity and I would have had to humble myself some other day.
Finally, I asked God for peace, and he gave it to me. My whole body relaxed. I focused on how much I loved God rather than my pounding heart and sweating hands.
I made my way out of the aisle and walked to the front of my church, where there was a large cross on the wall, and I bowed down before it.
About 10 minutes later, I looked up and saw that half the worship band had stopped playing their instruments and were kneeling before the cross. I looked behind me and saw that the whole aisle was filled with people bowing before the cross. The Spirit of God had overwhelmed us.
The question of my life was WWJD: What Would Jesus Do? The problem was, different people had different ideas about who Jesus was and what he would do. So I decided to become an expert on Jesus. I studied what scholars had to say about the real Jesus who ministered to humanity 2,000 years ago.
And what I learned… shocked me. The gospels are riddled with contradictions, myths, and known lies. Jesus and Paul disagreed on many central issues, and Christian theology had actually sided with Paul, against Jesus! I also started to wonder how I could accept the miracle claims about Jesus but reject the miracle claims of other religions as superstitious nonsense.
I started to panic. I felt like my best friend in the whole world was dying. And worse, I was killing him.
But I had to know the truth. So I studied and studied and studied. And eventually I had to admit I didn’t have any reasons to think Christianity was true. In fact, I didn’t have any good reasons to think God even existed.
I was lost and miserable. As an atheist, I could have no meaning or purpose or morality.
At least, that’s what I’d been told. Later, I learned what hundreds of millions of atheists have known for centuries: there is plenty of purpose and morality without a Supreme Magical Dictator.
There’s art and music and poetry and literature and film. There’s love and heartache and ecstasy and laughter and peace. There’s a world of confusion, and we know how to bring clarity! There’s a world of suffering, and we know how to bring joy. There’s a world of bondage, and we know how to bring freedom!
In my twenties I realized I was a child of this natural world. I marvel at her splendor. She is bigger than I can even imagine: unfathomable and untameable. But I enjoy her most when I can catch just a glimpse of how she ticks. All I want is to understand this natural world and live in her fully to help make the world a better place.
November 03, 2009, 1:28am Comments